Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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