vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
