I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
