Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize