You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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