addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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