i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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