There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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