i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize