I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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