guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize