Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
