I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
