just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
