I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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