I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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