where does the pee come out of this thing
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
