let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
