I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
