The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
