I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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