Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
