Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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