Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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