how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
