i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
