I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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