it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it's like iHOP with fire
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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