so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
