I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
