Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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