That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
