I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize