I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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