my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
