I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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