The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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