If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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