At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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