Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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