It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
