It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
