They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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