hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
