soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
