David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize