she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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