I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
