He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
