I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
