who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Jerry, you need to find god
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
