The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
