So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
