Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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