Don't make out with my wife yet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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