I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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