I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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