I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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