a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
