the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i have two assholes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
