I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
