sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
