Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
