You're so nebulous sometimes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
