Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
