he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize