Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
