So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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