I feel great
I just peed on a car
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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