I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
