i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
