Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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