Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
