Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
