Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
