I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize