I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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