Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
