There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
