No awkward lesbian experiences without me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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