Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
