VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's always time for handjobs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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