I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
