You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my vagina is haunted
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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