He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
