I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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