Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
