yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
