I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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