Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
