I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
