Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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