Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
