epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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