My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
