Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
