I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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