If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
