Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
