i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize