She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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