I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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