now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
