She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
