Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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