My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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