I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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