Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
