A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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