and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
