I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
