He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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