It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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